Newest update!

It has been way too long since I posted an update. Sorry for that; with all that’s been going on with us, I made the decision to not be on social media as much to help my mental health. But I know that’s left people wondering how we are doing. It’s been a pretty hard and depressing time, and so I have kind of kept to myself and my family the last little while. 

What a rollercoaster the last half a year has been for me and my little family. Getting a cancer diagnosis is such a scary thing. It’s also very frustrating and emotional and confusing. There is so much that is now known about Leukemia, but also so much that is still unknown. And there is not a 100% guarantee that my cancer won’t come back. I’m working on coming to terms with that. I am attempting to invest all my time in to make sure I’m living my best life in the present moment. This is hard to do, and to be honest most days the last few months I’ve been in pure survival mode. I’ve been lucky if I can get out of bed in the morning and take care of my kids, let alone myself. It’s been really hard.

I’ve had a wonderful, loving, kind, understanding and selfless companion by myside throughout all of this. I am so beyond grateful for Keith and all he has been doing these last few months. It’s been so hard on him as well, exhausting to say the least. His love and care for me is incredible.

I’ve had amazing family members (my sister and mom) who have flown out to help us; and my mother-in-law came out twice and we couldn’t have survived without her! We’ve also had a wonderful LDS ward that have been so amazing and helpful, providing meals and childcare, and just love and thoughtfulness. I’ve been amazed at people’s kindness and selflessness here in Wisconsin.

I want to say thank you to anyone and everyone who has sent prayers, love, well-wishes, money, time, and everything in between our way. We could not have gotten through all of this without you all. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Now for an update on my health and cancer.

I arrived back in Wisconsin the beginning of August, and immediately began more chemotherapy treatments. I went into the hospital monthly from Aug to Nov to receive treatment. I had to stay for about 3-4 days. Those days spent in the hospital were hard on me, and very hard on Keith and our girls. Somehow, we got through it; there was a lot of phone calls and video calls. I had to find different activities and tv shows and books to help keep me busy.

I would receive the treatment, and then come home to recover for the rest of the month, and then as long as I was in good shape (as good as you can be after chemo) I would go back in again for the next round of treatment. I had to do special ‘tests’ they called them every time they gave me a dose of chemo to make sure it wasn’t affecting me neurologically, which was kind of scary. Giving my consent to have them treat me with poison (aka chemo) was scary.

Overall I have to say I did well with the chemo. My body responded as it should and I didn’t have any horrible side effects, at least any that I couldn’t handle. My biggest side effects were nausea, gastrointestinal issues, extreme fatigue and weakness, muscle pain, appetite issues, and having to take sooo many different antibiotics and medications to protect and help my body get through chemo. Every day was different. Some days I felt ok, and then the next I would feel horrible. It would even just change hour to hour.

Through all this I still had to be a mom and wife. Those instincts don’t just turn off. I had to learn to pace myself and know when to take a break and sit down, or to ask for help. I had to be less independent which was hard for me. I have been learning and working on giving myself patience and grace. I’ve been trying to see gods hand in all of this, but I’ll be honest it’s been kind of hard. I have had many small tender mercies and miracles that I am so grateful for, and so I focus on those.

I am doing a lot better now; it’s been a few months since I finished chemo, and my body is slowly starting to feel normal again. I still have a way to go, and muscle and strength to rebuild, but I am on the upside of all of this.

The most important news I have is that my cancer is in remission!! Receiving that news has been so amazing and relieving for me and our family.  It means all the months of ugly treatment worked, and my body fought hard and won. I am so very happy. It means I have more of my life to live and look forward too. It means I can figure out what our new normal is and make plans for our future. Yay!

I am currently on what they call a maintenance medication. It is essentially a chemo medication that is supposed to help keep the cancer cells from returning to my body, and fighting off any that make their way in. It is a specific treatment for my specific type of cancer and has good reviews and success. So we are desperately hoping it keeps the cancer away like it should. I will most likely be on it for about 3 years. Then if the cancer has still not returned, I can probably go off it. Because it is a chemo drug, it does come with side effects, and they haven’t been pretty. Lots of bad nausea and throwing up and some other things too. Most of the time my doctor said it takes a few months for my body to get used to the drug and then the side effects are supposed to lessen. I truly hope so. But if it keeps my cancer away, I’ll deal with occasional nausea and headaches and tiredness any day (even if its really rough sometimes).

So all in all its good news over here! What we are working on the most right now is our mental health that’s been put through the ringer. And that’s a slow process too. But we’re holding on to each other a lot tighter and are feeling a little more like a normal family again. The girls love that mommy isn’t constantly in the hospital or at doctor appointments. I’m glad for that too. 

So, here’s to my future, and to my family’s future. I hope to God that I can keep living a full life and make the best of myself so that I can be there for those around me.

Much love to you all!

Carissa